You Heard It Here First

*On my phone, I keep a list of random phrases and funny things I hear that would make excellent band names. Here’s the entire list to date. If you would like to borrow one for your Swedish psychedelic folk hip-hop group, remember me in your liner notes.* Bust Gussets* A Paucity of Crab The Philatelist … Continue reading

The Simple Book Necesseties

How I Read Now¬† Current contents of my work bag: Too many bobby pins to count A travel can of dry shampoo A broken phone charger Three pairs of sunglasses Two packs of gum My lunch bag A broken hairbrush Random other crap, including a packet about my health insurance and the issue of Entertainment … Continue reading

Out of Context Messages; Or, Subtlety in All Caps

Actual text messages I have sent in 2015, presented without comment or context: “Of course I’m getting a shake!” “THAT’S BECAUSE IT WASN’T A THING. IT’S MADE UP.” “I can be subtle!” “Our friendship has given you a complex.” “It’s like you don’t know me at all.” “I SHOULD WEAR MY SCRUBS.” “Yep. Thanks, Taiwan.” … Continue reading

A Royal Baby by any other name would be as cute

It’s my favorite time again–the time when my Google Alerts are carefully calculated to encompass every possible version of “royal baby great britain”, “prince george new baby” and “omigosh ROYAL BABIES”. You guys, I am so excited about Prince George’s new sister–I mean, sibling. But I really hope it’s a girl. The corgis say have … Continue reading