I’ve thought about it, and I’ve decided I think too much. I never thought this could be a problem, but it’s true. I think too much, overanalyze too much, worry too much…it’s as if my brain will never turn itself off. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about something that happened the previous day and all the different outcomes, even though I already know what happened. Take earlier today. I was washing my hands in the bathroom and I took off my ring and put it on the counter next to the sink. I was out the door before I realized I was missing it. Even though I had it safely on my finger, I couldn’t stop thinking or worrying about what would have happened if I hadn’t remembered. It would have just stayed there until I remembered where I left it, or someone would have picked it up, and how would they know it was mine, oh right it has my name on it, would they have come to my room and knocked on the door, and what if no one was there, or what if Jude was there, but she didn’t recognize it and oh dear and then the world would end and I wouldn’t have my ring and that would suck. That’s pretty much my train of thought. Crazy.
I mean, seriously? Overanalyzing every single comment every person makes to me, holding conversations in my head that will probably never come about. (This could probably be classified under talking to myself, but since I’m having the conversation with Spider-Man, I’m thinking no.) How often do I need to ask Bjork what she was thinking when she wore the swan dress to the Oscars? I’m never going to have that conversation, but I do anyway. Every time I see that picture of her. Every. Single. Time. I yell at Cher too, for that awful feathered headdress that made her look like Odile from “Swan Lake”. What is it with weird outfits and swans? There. See? I’m doing it again. And sometimes I argue with people. I’m too polite (or too chicken) to argue with people to their face, so I do it when they’re not around. I’m fairly certain that if I carried a few more plastic bags around and wore a hat once in a while that I’d be taken for Apple Annie. Where’s the gin bottle and why did I send my daughter to Spain, of all places?
Just kidding. But really, these are the kinds of rants that I have daily. I simply can’t turn my brain off. Even when I’m getting into bed or walking from class to class, I’m making to-do lists. Sometimes I climb in and out of bed four or five times to write down all the things I need to remember. And it’s exhausting to jump out of a four foot high bed every ten seconds. Especially in the dark. I get lots more bruises.
I’ve been reading Twilight and I am so glad I am not Edward. Dealing with my own thoughts and everyone else’s ? Shudder. That sounds like a handy trick, but when I can’t even keep my own mind in check, I’m thinking it sounds like a nightmare. I’ve heard that when you want to dream, you should eat spicy foods. Maybe it works the way with thoughts. I should stop eating peppers with my salad and instead live on a diet of mashed potatoes and water. Bland and boring. Not crazy at all.
I’m fairly certain I’ll figure out something to do with my mind. Maybe that’s my own special gift. Once I figure out how to handle it, I’ll become a shrink, write a book, go on “Oprah” and make millions. Sounds good to me.
Thinking enough for everybody,
“Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.” -Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes