Saltpeter, y’all. Also Smallpox. And historical burns.

Yesterday, my sister Cricket and I went a little crazy. I thought of the following mildly funny joke, and asked if it was actually witty, or only humourous in my head. Then, we got historically creative. Points to you if you get all the references and “1776” jokes.

The original joke: Nathan Hale gets a twitter: @totesnotaspy Last tweet: I regret #yolo.

What happened next:

@TheRealGeorgeW retweets: “we are too, Hale! #RIP”

@BennyArnold: RED is my color!

@MajorAndre: OMG, HALE! THAT’S WHY U DON’T TAKE OFF THE UNIFORM #funfact that’s how you get hanged

@BennyArnold: sry, @MajorAndre!

@MajorAndre: IM NOT TALKING TO YOU. Srsly, tho, @totesnotaspy–I feel ya bro #imnotaspyeither

@MarquisLaffytaffy: America is a weird place.

@MarquisLaffytaffy: Viva La France mais n’est pas La Terreur #lookingatyouRobespierre

(@MarquisLaffyTaffy has one new follower: @RevolutionNE1Robespierre)

@MonticelloMan: @MarquisLaffyTaffy how about some ice cream?

@TheRealGeorgeW: OMG, ICECREAM? Can I come too?!

@MonticelloMan: @TheRealGeorgeW Didn’t you have enough in Valley Forge? #toosoon?

@BrainsOfBraintree: don’t be a dick, @MonticelloMan, or we won’t make you #SecretaryOfState

@MonticelloMan: OMG, @BrainsOfBraintree should have been @AbigailNotAbby’s handle!!!

@AlexIslander: It’s all about the money. #burn

@AbigailNotAbby: Don’t drag me into this. I’m busy with four kids, a farm, and now I have to make saltpeter. #smallpoxwassimpler

@TheMrsWashingtonretweets @LovelyMrsGreen retweets @MonticelloGirl13 retweets @HelloDolley retweets

@TheMrsWashington: #RememberTheLadies

@RevolutionNE1 retweets: IN OUR REPUBLIC ALL WILL BE EQUAL #equalite

@BrainsofBrantree: Nobody asked you @RevolutionNE1

@AlexIslander: You don’t even go here @RevolutionNE1 !! #MeanGirls #TooTrue

@AbigailNotAbby: I DO NOT have the time to bake a cake with rainbows and smiles, don’t even ask. #nopins

@TheRealGeorgeW retaeets: Omg, @TheMrsWashington, can you make me one?! That sounds awesome

@TheMrsWashington: sure!  #PlantationLifeFTW

@AbigailNotAbby: @TheMrsWashington Martha, we need to talk. You too, @MonticelloGirl13 @HelloDolley

@SexyShippen: why am I not invited??

@AbigailNotAbby: Ahem.

@TheMrsWashington: @SexyShippen, remember the whole “banished” thing?

@SexyShippen: That was For Serius?! How will there ever be a decent party on that Stupid Continent ever again?!

@LizzyLoring: @SexyShippen You can come play Quadrille with me.#istillhavetea #whatboycott

@AbigailNotAbby: @HelloDolley & @LuckyLucyKnox. I rest my case. #LetThereBeCoffee #BestTeaPartyEver

@LizzyLoring: LAME!! #Pins

@AlexIslander: Hey guys! Twitter catfight! #ivegotbeer

@MonticelloMan: @BrainsOfBraintree, if you can’t get Abigail #pins, I’ll totally take care of that for her #nopins. She deserves it! #AbiWINAdams

@BenjiBoy: OMW, @AlexIslander

@BrainsofBraintree: cool your jets, @MonticelloMan. MacNair is on it.

@AlexIslander: @BenjiBoy and I need more beer! Who wants to bring the keg? #PartyLikeIts1776

@GrapeandGutsRI: I’ll bring the rum.

@GrapeandGutsRI: WHY IS ALL THE RUM GONE? @MACNAIR

@BrainsOfBraintree: he doesn’t have twitter, @GrapeandGutsRI

@GrapeandGutsRI: I blame @LymanHallGA

@LymanHallGA: Blame @WhitherWitherspoonNJ

@LymanHallGA: #DouneThatRight @WhitherWhitherspoonNJ

@WhitherWitherspoonNJ: May God have mercy on your souls.

@BenjiBoy: #OrganizedReligionProblems

@WhitherWitherspoonNJ: New Brunswick made you worse. @Ben jiBoy #mypooraunt

@BenjiBoy: NOT WHAT YOUR AUNT SAID! @WhitherWitherspoon #whoringanddrinkingftw

@AlexIslander retweets @GrapeandGutsRI retweets

@AbigailNotAbby: Men are pigs. Except @BrainsofBraintree

@BrainsfBraintree: pins are on the way, @AbigailNotAbby!! #DamnFineSaltpeter #BestWifeEver #RompThroughCupidsGroveTogether

@MonticelloMan: I think I threw up a little in my mouth from all the cuteness @BrainsofBraintree

@LuckyLucyKnox: jealous much, @MonticelloMan? #JohnAndAbigail

@MonticelloMan: Hey, I play the VIOLIN!

@MonticelloGirl13: YEAH HE DOES

@BenjiBoy: violin lessons, @GrapeandGutsRI @BrainsofBraintree?

Jmadison: I can write!

@AlexIslander: So can we all @JMadison. And what a lame handle! How could @HelloDolley let you on social media with that?!

@YouJustGotBURRned: Not as many “Madisons” as “Hamiltons”, so there was a name-handle free #YesThatWasABastardJoke #JokingNotJoking

 

*Yes, we realize that The Terror happened waaaay after 1776.

**I think we can all agree that pins v. saltpeter is the most important issue of the Revolution. I, for one, would like to be Abigail Adams when I grow up.

 

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