Out of Context Messages; Or, Subtlety in All Caps

Actual text messages I have sent in 2015, presented without comment or context:

“Of course I’m getting a shake!”

“THAT’S BECAUSE IT WASN’T A THING. IT’S MADE UP.”

“I can be subtle!”

“Our friendship has given you a complex.”

“It’s like you don’t know me at all.”

“I SHOULD WEAR MY SCRUBS.”

“Yep. Thanks, Taiwan.”

“Hernia all over my body? Free covers a lot of ugly?”

“You are welcome! Wouldn’t want one of your islands to involve hearing aids.”

“My internet search history at work just super weird for the CIA.”

“I am so proud.”

“So many good mourning clothes!”

“I straight up LIMPED to my car. My shoes were fly but also EVIL.”

“Well, we have to fit the six foot tall cut-out of George…”

“I wonder if Tequila could find her…”

“I clearly work with some of the Dude’s chosen people.”

“And it’s just the BEST word.”

“YOU STOP THAT GROWN UP SHIT RIGHT NOW.”

“Brb, gotta learn how to code.”

“It’s hard to run away in the costume.”

“I didn’t taste the bacon donut.”

“Good news–Jesse McCartney grew up to be hotter than ever.”

“I’ll just read over your shoulder and sing Hanson songs.”

“(In your dreams, Broseph. I shall now pointedly read Jane Austen)”

“I can’t even tell you..I might be crying a little.”

“I refuse to dress up as Felix.”

“We got sodium, but forgot chlorine, so you’re in good company!”

“ATTA GIRL YOU GO EAT WAFFLES AND VISIT THE HAGUE LIKE A BOSS”

“(Is this code?)”

“I ate ice all by myself today. It was so lonely.”

“You know, like weirdos.”

“Most patriotic text ever.”

“Sacrilege.”

“Michael Darling is in a Mentos commercial.”

“Home! Still no taco emoji.”

“PROBLEM SOLVING.”

“I am capable of following instructions.”

“WHY DO YOU NEVER BELIEVE ME WHEN I AM BEING SINCERE?”

“A turtle. It seemed sad.”

“There it is.”

“GOOGLE”

“Moving is the worst. Harry Potter will make it better. Also screaming.”

“I was going to go to Target.”

“OR JUST STARVE.”

“Should you want to wear something red so we look like elves, I’m down with that.”

“Also–talking out of her head is my new favorite phrase.”

“*begins studying ALL THE LATIN*”

“…what do I do with this turkey?”

“KINDNESS! NOT BLINDNESS OH GOSH”

“Think they’d notice if I changed the locks and adopted their dog?”

“Yayayayayayayayayayayy!”

“Because Australia loves to tease us????”

“Mary Queen of Scots was the founding member of the Illuminati”

“‘He knows the song?'”

“YES. It’s the best.”

“My mom was out-nerding me.”

“Is she trying to speak in off-brand Adele lyrics?”

“THE GIG OF A LIFETIME”

“Also, fake nations are always near Luxembourg.”

“TACOOOOSSS”

“IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL”

“I approve of all of the above.”

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