It has been noted that my dreams are vivid, imaginative, unexpected, and characteristic of an acid trip. Sometimes I even wake up going “Wha–HUH?” Here are some of my more descriptive dreams as examples.
March 25, 2014: Last night, I dreamed I was involved in a war between the Girl Scouts and an evil Boy Scout troop. We were aided by friendly Boy Scouts, and Reese Witherspoon, Gwen Stefani, and George Clooney via Skype. At one point, I was running through a seaside city in Greece trying to find a secret cache with my three-legged spy dog who ended up being scared of strangers, so I had to carry her.
October 25, 2013: Last night, I dreamed that I was exposing a small town secret about a respected citizen in a town meeting that turned scandalous. Then, I had to fetch a pair of oxen named Brownie and Blackie from a cemetery into which they’d wandered, and I had nothing to wear but dresses from ModCloth.
June 6, 2013: Last night, I dreamed that it was my first day teaching at my high school alma mater, and I couldn’t find my classroom or computer, so I was running around asking everyone. Then, Zeus and Poseidon took over the school, and demanded that we compete in a Hunger Games-esque competition called “Clash of the Rockets” that somehow involved chariots and Mexican food.
May 2, 2013: Last night, I dreamed I was kidnapped by a bearded guy who looked like Christian Slater, and we kept hiding out in bowling alleys while I suffered from a form of Stockholm Syndrome and a fear of the color orange. Then, in a twist of fate, I found myself at a ballet held in a theater/airport looking for rainbow band-aids backstage in what looked like the Room of Requirement.
March 18, 2013: Last night, I dreamed I was forced into a beauty pageant, which basically consisted of walking around and giving tours of Italy and Philadelphia, until Bryce Dallas Howard (who was calling herself Houston) showed up and did a gymnastics routine completely overshadowing the presence of Kristen Stewart.
February 13, 2013: I think I just remembered that last night, I dreamed Patrick Fugit and Ed Sheeran were serenading me? Which is weird, because I didn’t think they knew each other.
February 9, 2013: Last night, I dreamed that my brother and I were involved in a 19th century revolution in a place that was half-Versailles, half Colonial Williamsburg. While he fought against injustice and a one-legged pirate, I tried to solve a mystery in a bookstore with my cousin, Amanda Seyfried.
Brother’s response: Man, I’m glad I got the pirates.
Me: Yeah, but you did have to do all the fighting. I think I was also in a ballet recital that required me to sew a lot. We may have also been on a movie set, because at one point, there was a photographer taking pictures and Stanley Tucci was there. And I think your character died? But we were all really sad, don’t worry.
Me: We should write this movie.
January 24, 2013: Last night, I dreamed that I was at a house party, and I borrowed contact solution from Darren Criss while wearing a ballgown. Then I drove to Seattle.
December 2012: Last night, I dreamed two friends and I were in a Finnish swimming competition that required us to make origami in the water. Also, Brad Pitt was the referee/oddsmaker/cheerleader.
November 2012: Last night, I dreamed actor Jimmy Stewart was my grandfather, and he stole my glasses before I escaped an attack from his pet bobcat by jumping into a moving car.
October 2012: Last night, I dreamed that I attended four weddings in a house that looked like the set of “Titanic” with tons of secret passageways in which I kept getting lost. To top it all off, it was the first night of the Olympics and I won a shared Oscar with Emma Stone and Carey Mulligan. And then I met Neil Armstrong while my family was preparing to evacuate from the crowds due to Mardi Gras.
September 2012: Last night, I dreamed my brother and I concocted really detailed and whack-a-doodle plans to get the other one out of summer camp. I think his camp was some sort of Krav Maga Camp, and mine was Wilderness Survival a la The Hunger Games.
Last night, I dreamed I was in the grocery store buying marmalade when my parents informed that Shirley Temple had died and I was in charge of solving her murder. Also, there may have been clowns and a confusing staircase.
June 2012: Last night, I dreamed that my college retreat team and I held the retreat on a desert island and sent postcards back to campus telling everyone not to worry about us, the sharks were circling, but we were building a plane so we were all set. We also danced a lot to Disney music and generally had an awesome time.
March 2012: Last night, I dreamed that if Abby Lee Miller yelled at you, you were sent to Panem to be a tribute in the Hunger Games.
Last night, I dreamed that Darren Criss was just hanging around my archives, wearing a cape and a top hat and drawing doodles for me of Kelsey Grammer on a bicycle and characters from Pixar shorts.
January 2012: Last night, I dreamed a cat gave me a hantavirus during a very fancy New Year’s party in a house made entirely of pink tiles.
Last night, I dreamed I was marrying Darren Criss at Disney World.